Tone policing is a conversational tactic used to attack a person’s tone when they seek to voice their concerns in an emotional manner. It diminishes a person’s argument on the grounds of being overly sensitive, emotional, and irrational. It also tries to divert the conversation from the facts presented, towards the manner in which they are presented. It’s basically a technique that tends to silence the voice of the oppressed by rendering their tone as improper, aggressive, or emotional and protects those against whom the complaint of the oppressed is leveraged. It further marginalizes communities, justifies oppression, invalidates the emotions of the oppressed party, and protects the privileged.

Tone policing can sound like anything; from being told to “

” to attacking the choice of words used, all with the intent of disengaging from the conversation. Here are a few examples to illustrate what tone policing can sound like.

This isn’t the time or place for you to express your emotions.”

“You cannot speak to me in that tone.”

“It would be a lot better if only you said that nicely

Tone policing helps the oppressive power to avoid accountability and enables the perpetuation of the unjust acts while acting oblivious to the emotions of the oppressed. It tends to tone down and water down conversations about oppression and injustice under the pretext of “

”. Tone policers want to avoid conversations that make them feel uncomfortable or ashamed and in the process, essential conversations about oppression either do not take place or are toned down to such an extent as to appear mild and lukewarm. In this manner, voices are lost and the desired discussions never take place.

Tone policing also reinforces and pushes stereotypes about certain people. For instance, if a woman talks emotionally about the oppression she faces because of her gender, she might be labelled as “

”. These stereotypes take the focus off the discussion and on the negative stereotypes of the concerned person and try to justify their emotions and anger in the light of the same. Women’s anger is often said to be stemming from hormones, their 

, and being overly emotional and sensitive. This allows for the problematic issues to be overlooked and enables the oppression to continue and thrive.

By attacking the tone in which an oppressed community seeks justice and voices its problems, tone policers try to take the focus off the important issue and on the manner in which the discussion takes place. The right to talk about injustice lies with the oppressed community and they have the right to talk about it whichever way they want. There is no one formula that needs to be observed while talking about oppression. Tone policing tries to disengage and disregard the emotions of the exploited community and often asks them to 

 which in itself is an oppressive tactic because the emotions of the particular community can be an important testimony about the nature and extent of oppression that was faced.

It’s important to introspect and reflect on the fact that the oppression someone faces is far greater than the listener’s momentary feeling of unease. There isn’t any civil manner to talk about oppression and by emphasising of the tone, the listener might disregard the emotions of the maltreated, and in the process, protect the oppressor and enable the continuation of the injustice. Getting emotional doesn’t mean that the person’s argument is not valid, it only testifies to the fact that the nature of the oppression has deeply affected the person’s life in some manner. It’s possible to get emotional while talking about a very valid and rational fact, one doesn’t invalidate the other.

Bachelor’s in Psychology from Jamia Millia Islamia.

Tone Policing: What it is and why we need to talk about it

, in 2014. The term soon took off and was used to describe a successful, ambitious woman in a corporate or entrepreneurial setting who acts as her boss without conforming to others’ ideas and rules. That is how GirlBoss feminism or the culture was born.

 is a type of watered down, oversimplified, marketable feminism that just ignores any real issue that the movement is supposed to focus on and aims at creating a feminist narrative that is capitalised and can sell. It equates corporate and capitalistic success with empowerment and shows this success as the ultimate goal of feminism. With an individualistic approach, it commodifies feminism and conveniently ignores the ugly side of it vis-à-vis women’s exploitation, gender pay gap, racial discrimination, and just the general preference given to men over women. It also glorifies the existing exploitive power structures and expects women to claim their success by climbing these structures.

While there might be a lot wrong with Girlboss culture, the most noticeable disparity would be its lack of intersectionality. The culture favours somewhat privileged women who have capitalistic aspirations and the means to realize these aspirations. It completely ignores other women who might not have the same privileges. These include women weighed down by familial matters like children, marriage, or racial and caste-based oppression, women who do not have capitalistic or corporate aspirations, or any woman whose idea of success might not align with GirlBoss culture.

Girlboss culture glorifies and justifies existing power structures and women empowerment by climbing these ladders of power, ignoring the patriarchal, capitalistic, and sexist connotations. The fact is that capitalism and female empowerment cannot go hand in hand because capitalism is an essential tool used since time immemorial in the subjugation of women. This approach simply glorifies a woman’s ability to assimilate herself in these problematic power structures and uses the same exploitive tactics of the men to climb to the top. It makes way for women in a world that is already male-dominated and capitalistic but not in the way that would benefit women, rather, in a way that would seem palatable and acceptable to everyone.

Women are denied the power to own their narrative and be the authority. Their authenticity and experience are diminished, and an all-pleasing narrative is fished out that would no doubt show a conventionally acceptable woman in power but will also take care to protect the already thriving patriarchal and sexist values.

Furthermore, a woman in power in a corporate setting does not necessarily mean that the labour force won’t face exploitation. Women in power do not make the oppressive systems automatically become good. For instance, in 2015, Amoruso’s Nasty Gal was sued for firing three employees before they were to go on maternity leave. Following this, a lawsuit filing described Nasty Girl’s work culture as 

. In June 2020, an employee of a woman-led lifestyle brand 

, accused the company of being toxic and 

, a woman-focused, co-working space, spoke up about the 

, and racism. The young American reality star-turned-entrepreneur, 

 its Bangladeshi workers and refusing to pay the wage. These companies thrived under the Girlboss culture and used it as marketing propaganda.

However it should be noted that, this, by no means is an attempt to portray women entrepreneurs as exploitive, but an attempt to show that taking the help of oppressive powers for women’s empowerment will never benefit women as a community. These will only work towards the perpetuation of their interests and only use feminism as a prawn to reach their goal. These structures are inherently exploitive, and having women at the top is no guarantee that other women at different levels within the same sphere will not face exploitation.

It is high time we understand that change is impossible by dominating the same exploitive power structures. The objective is not to give these structures a makeover but to question them. Till these oppressive powers perpetuate, the dream of equality can never be achieved for all women. Women do not need to change themselves to assimilate into the system; the system needs to change to accommodate women, all sorts of women.

The next time you see a woman trying to make it through the day without anyone “

” her from behind, remember, that is your objective, and that is who you need to fight for.

Articles by Rutba Manzoor

Tone Policing: What it is and why we need to talk about it

The Girlboss Culture: Empowering Women or Feeding Power Structures?

Tone Policing: What it is and why we need to talk about it

The Girlboss Culture: Empowering Women or Feeding Power Structures?